Unleash your inner Final Girl.
It’s Halloween, the season of tricks, treats and – of course – masked, machete-wielding killers. But don’t worry, we’ve got your back.
Read on for everything you need to know if you suddenly find yourself in the middle of a slasher movie.
Top Tip #1 – Read the reviews
Going away for the Halloween season? Before you check in to that rustic cabin in the woods or that secluded AirBnB, be sure to check the online reviews – and the local news.
If the previous occupants are still missing, or if the place was the site of a bloody massacre – especially if it was twenty years ago to the day – you should think twice about turning up. Even if it has a hot tub.
Top Tip #2 – Don’t ignore the warnings
So you decided to go ahead with your trip regardless – wouldn’t want to lose that deposit, after all. And a few miles out, at the last petrol station before you leave civilisation behind, some crazy guy tries to warn you off.
Annoying, right? Well, maybe. But you’d be foolish to ignore this smelly harbinger of doom; he’s only trying to help, in his own offputting way. Same goes for that radio broadcast about the escaped lunatic. Ignore these warning signs at your peril!
Top Tip #3 – Stay with the group
This one’s so obvious at this point that it’s barely worth repeating… but whatever you do, don’t split up. Don’t go off to investigate strange noises in the cellar, or tapping on the windows, and never, ever say ‘I’ll be right back.’
Top Tip #4 – Dress for a quick getaway
If you find yourself menaced at a costume party, or in a subway car filled with costumed revellers, this one might get a little complicated. But at this time of year it’s important to dress sensibly: comfortable shoes, pockets for storing useful items and clothes you can easily climb a fence in.
You never know when you might be forced to run for your life. On that note, be sure to pick a sensible getaway route, too – a flat, straight stretch of road offers a slasher precious few places to hide – and working on your cardio might not be the worst idea.
Top Tip #5 – Never assume the killer is working alone
So you think you’ve finally figured it out. It was that creepy janitor all along, or maybe that creepy professor obsessed with urban legends, or that creepy film studies kid who quotes Halloween all the time.
Either way, you’ve got the killer cornered. You’ve got the upper hand. Only for the killer’s sneaky accomplice to come up behind you with a very sharp knife…
It’s happened to countless Final Girls over the years – be sure you don’t become one of them! Always assume that there are multiple killers, and never let your guard down.
And remember, even if you’ve defeated them all… they always come back for one final jump scare.
