No connection? No problem.
In today’s always-online world, broadband is no longer a luxury. It’s a necessity. That’s why we’re excited to introduce WiFi Cover – the world’s first AI-powered wireless broadband connection protection plan, designed to keep you connected no matter what.
What is WiFi Cover?
WiFi Cover is a revolutionary new service that protects you against the practical and emotional damage caused by internet outages. Our cutting-edge system constantly monitors your connection for any unwanted interruptions, and gets you back online as soon as possible.
The best part? There’s a plan to suit every need and every budget, because cost should never be a barrier to staying connected.
Basic (with Ads)
Our most affordable plan. Gives you everything you need to stay connected, at a bargain price:
- Outage detection – Our expert team of engineers will let you know, by email, when your WiFi is down.
- 24/7 emotional support – Call our helpline any time to receive comfort, encouragement and positive affirmations.
- 72-hour guarantee – Our engineers will get you back online within three working days, or you’ll receive a free basket of conciliatory muffins.
Basic plans are available for £5.99 per month, on a rolling contract. Ad-supported: curated promotions will be strategically placed around your home.
Premium
Everything you get with the basic plan, plus a little extra peace of mind:
- Courtesy router – We’ll deliver a temporary replacement router within the month, at no extra cost to you.
- Loss and theft protection – Router missing entirely? One of our highly skilled private detectives will investigate the scene, interrogate suspects and track it down*.
- Complimentary carrier pigeon service – Need to send an important message while your connection is down? Our feathered friends have got you covered.
Premium plans are available for only £16.99 per month, on a 24 month contract.
* Detectives may be drawn into a dark, labyrinthine criminal conspiracy that goes all the way to the top.
Ultimate
The ultimate WiFi Cover plan, for when your life depends on being connected every second of every day:
- Precog outage protection – Uses advanced predictive AI to anticipate connectivity issues before they happen.
- Emergency call-out – If your internet goes down, we’ll dispatch a trained professional to read the internet aloud to you, wherever you are in the world.
- Singularity – **Coming 2027** Upload your consciousness to the internet, so you never have to worry about being disconnected again.
Ultimate plans are only available on a lifetime contract°, and costs are bespoke for each customer.
° £50 upfront payment required. Contracts must be signed in blood.
Why choose WiFi Cover?
WiFi Cover is the ultimate safety net for the modern, always-online household. Our plans offer peace of mind at an affordable price point, with a range of innovative solutions designed to keep your digital life running smoothly.
With WiFi Cover, you can sit back, relax and rest easy in the knowledge that you’ll never have to face the existential horror of an offline world alone.
Or you could just, you know, compare the latest broadband deals and find a great package that works in the first place.
